Life is Messy, and That’s Okay.
Have you ever had one of those mornings where there just isn’t enough coffee? From the moment you open your eyes, you know it is going to be a long day, and you find yourself looking forward to the moment you can crawl back into bed, close your eyes and drift off to sleep? Yeah, me too...pretty much every morning. Such is life with little ones, and a full workload.
Ollie and Ben playing with the espresso machine…looks like they need coffee too!
There was one day in particular last weekend that sticks out to me. I was watching a movie with my boys in an attempt to catch a few moments of distracted silence. The baby hadn’t slept well the night before, and after downing my second cup of coffee I was still barely awake as my boys giggled and played rambuctiously, leaving a trail of toys behind them. I had my notebook in my lap, with all my to-dos written out, and the baby was trying to climb up my legs, fussing as I held my pen out of reach. I asked my oldest to run upstairs to grab the pacifier, or “binky” as we call it here, hoping it would in fact pacify my high energy toddler. As Ben ran up the stairs he shouted back to me to pause the movie we were watching. It was such a simple request, but somehow it struck me differently in that moment. While Ben was searching for the binky, Oliver managed to scramble up into my lap, and started to babble sweetly while touching my face. I sat there with my little boy, admiring his face. There was a softness to his voice, and a brightness in his eyes, like light reflecting on water. Even though he only knows a few words, he talks to me as though I understand every single thing he is saying. I found myself falling in love with him all over again. The way his hair swirls in the back, and sticks straight up. His expressions, and the pink hue in his cheeks. Every little detail.
I experienced this profound moment right in the middle of all the chaos of that morning. The den was a mess, I was a mess, and Oliver had the remnants of oatmeal on his perfect little cheeks, but sitting there with him, I suddenly felt incredibly whole. It felt like life had paused for just a minute or so, and with it all my worries and exhaustion had also paused. Once Ben returned with the binky, Ollie promptly plopped it into his mouth and relaxed into my arms. Ben wrapped himself up in one of our many fuzzy blankets and curled up onto our daybed beside me. They were both focused on the movie, life had resumed, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of them.
I had spent the whole morning feeling desperately overwhelmed, wishing I could somehow simultaneously get everything on my to-do list done, and sleep, deeply sleep, for the remainder of the day. The heaviness of pandemic life had felt particularly significant that week. So, to be in that messy room, having not washed my hair in at least 3 days, ok, maybe 4, and to watch these two precious humans simply existing, without any thought for all that needed to be done, or what the rest of the day held, was everything I didn’t know I needed. It was right in front of me, it is every day. My boys, my home, my never-ending to-do list, my work, it’s pandemic life on repeat, and on one completely unassuming morning, it all became beautiful and wholesome, and imperfectly perfect.
It wasn’t that anything had drastically changed. The house was still a mess, I still had a lengthy to-do list, it was just that my perspective shifted enough in that moment to remind me that there is beauty, and calm to be found in everyday moments. That beauty is accessible, always, simply by pausing. By looking at your world with gratitude, and simplifying the chaos by taking your day moment by moment, rather than as a series of tasks.
Chaos is not the exception. It is the rule. The exception is our ability to enjoy the chaos, for the opportunity to live a life well lived. The same way a kitchen full of dishes is really the necessary aftermath of a delicious meal. The same way a morning full of coffee and little boy giggles is one of the most pure, and obvious expressions of love.
I invite you to pause today. At any point, but particularly when you’re feeling overwhelmed. I invite you to find a soft spot for all that surrounds you, even the mess, and especially the messiness of life. It’s ours. The “picture perfect”, and the work to make it look that way. Perfect isn’t better, it’s just neater, but not nearly as interesting.